Have you heard of The Conversation Project? It’s more than an organization; it’s a movement dedicated to helping people talk about their wishes for end-of-life care. As they say, “one conversation can make all the difference.”
Many of us in healthcare have had so many of these talks that it causes no anxiety at all. After all, it merely serves as a way people provide direction for their care.
So, what’s so hard about having the conversation? Lack of experience and fear, that’s what.
If you’ve never waded into these waters, you may not want to be dropped in ten-foot waves for your first swim. A wading pool might be best, a pool with friends around.
How to Practice the Conversation
Start small and practice with others. Talk with your friends, comfy family members, co-workers. People are kind in helping with discussion warm-ups.
Try saying some of the words out loud that get stuck on your tongue. Words like death, end-of-life wishes, hospice. It doesn’t matter how these practice talks go, even if they go badly. The practice is for learning what you can get comfortable with and what you can’t.
Continue with your “practice runs” until you no longer have sweaty hands or palpitations. Then, go to this remarkable website: www.theconversationproject.org and download “Your Conversation Starter Kit.”
Go through steps one and two to help you get your thoughts on paper and clarify your own wishes.
At that point, you’re ready to tiptoe into your first real conversation. Remember, this is merely the first conversation. No rush to get all the answers and plans done. And, be willing to have two-way discussions. This is not an interrogation. It’s an opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level.
With few exceptions, talks about end-of-life wishes can reach a new depth of emotional connection. It’s remarkable what you can learn.
Be prepared for surprises. Since this is not an everyday topic, you may hear startling responses. Put on your best poker face as you remember: There are no right or wrong answers. Each person has the right to direct their own plan.
If things go badly, that’s okay too. You have had some time to get used to this subject, but it may be the first time for your family member. For some of the older generation, there have been things that were never discussed out loud: sex, money, age and death being some of the main categories.
Be gentle. Be tolerant. Be persistent. Give the conversation whatever amount of effort and time is needed. Make sure to document wishes. When emergencies happen or when death is near, memories have a way of evaporating. The written word carries value and supports you through times where your brain is simply stuck.
Not only can you do this, The Conversation Project provides guidance and support to help you along the way. Visit their website and learn.
What’s been your experience with having “the conversation?” What went well? Where do you need more practice? Post your questions and comments below.
Get your complimentary Medical Planning Worksheet. This is the exact worksheet I’ve developed and use with all my clients. Click here to get the Worksheet.
