Caregivers, I love you dearly because you are the change-makers. In your capable hands, what might be awful can become wonderful. This is true whether you’re an employed aide or a family caregiver serving as the responsible party. Family, you stretch yourself into a net beneath your loved one, catching every stray concern, ensuring every possible step is taken to mitigate decline, advocate, and ensure security and comfort.

These family saints may not be donning gloves and changing diapers, but they are vital caregivers, indispensable. What I see so often is that a family caregiver travels a lonely path. A swarm of others may come and go, unloading an abundance of advice.

But a single person usually bears the ultimate burden. This is the one who falls asleep at night and wakes in the morning worrying, the person who can’t leave town without a huge lump in their throat, the one who jumps every time the phone rings.

Eventually, their form of caregiving may evolve to obsession, because they are flying solo without ever having a day off. For them, the mantle of responsibility is not removable.

If you’re that special person, I bow to you. It has been a gift to work with so many remarkable family caregivers over the years.

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I often ask myself, what can the rest of us do to help? How can we lighten the burden? Is there a “magic bullet” for us to offer?

No magic, but we can certainly provide support in two ways. First, we can provide help to your loved one directly. How about covering some of your caregiving time? Respite “time off” for you to do what you want. If that isn’t needed for your family member, how about chipping into the cost of care? Growing old or being ill is expensive. Financial contributions can lighten the burden.

Or, we can absorb one of your personal duties. The reality is that caregivers don’t get a “pass” on the rest of their responsibilities. They simply take on the life of someone else in addition to their own chores.

I recall a neighbor who took over mowing the yard for a daughter who was too overwhelmed to maintain her own house. No neighborhood association levying a fine. No criticism of the overgrowth. Just kindness and consideration. This woman told me the neighbor’s help is what got her through until her mother’s death. It was all she needed to lift her spirits and give her strength.

Do you know someone in the role of caregiver? Do you want to help? Resist the urge to ask “What can I do to help?”

Don’t ask . . . DO!! Figure it out.

How do you care for the caregivers in your family? Please share your tips and ideas in the comments below.

Get your complimentary Medical Planning Worksheet. This is the exact worksheet I’ve developed and use with all my clients. Click here to get the Worksheet.  

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